A few weeks ago, my best friend Kim became an aunt to an adorable little boy named Malachi. This past week, Kim was telling me that her sister, Robin, was having a hard time with her mother-in-law because whenever little Malachi would cry, the mother-in-law would quickly respond to him by picking him and trying to soothe him. Kim's response was, "Robin knows that if you always respond to a baby crying he'll become spoiled."
I was appalled. Do people still believe such things?! I don't know where Kim learned it, but I quickly (and nicely, of course) informed her that actually, the idea that you could spoil an infant by responding to him, is an old wives' tale.
It is impossible to spoil an infant, especially a newborn. Research has actually proven that infants who are responded to quickly actually end up crying less because they have learned to trust mom, dad, and other primary caregivers. Also, infants (up to 6mos or so) lack the ability to soothe themselves, so they need someone to actually pick them up and physically do the soothing for them. Another thing is that infants don't just cry for the heck of it; rather, crying is their form of communication. In fact, infants have 5 distinct cries that can identify what their need at that moment is. Let's take Ella, my little 4 month-old nanny charge at the moment: I can tell her "I'm-hungry-so-feed-me-now-lest-I-go-bollistic-and-turn-red" cry from her "I'm-tired-and-fussy-and-want-to-go-to-sleep" cry, as well as her "I-really-have-to-burp" cry. And because I can tell these cries apart quickly, I can also tell when she's crying a cry that doesn't fit under to beforementioned categories, which is a red flag for me. Like the time she cut her gums by sucking on her fist (her fingernails needed cutting), she wailed in such a way that could have only meant, "I'm in pain!" And should parents and/or caregivers not respond to such cries, infants will learn that their specific cries don't work and will then stop using them, causing problems for all parties involved.
Lesson learned here: know your baby's cries, and heed them. It's important, not to mention really cool :)
A cool thing to check out is
this episode from Oprah. Priscilla Dunstan, a mom from Australia, says she's unlocked the secret language of babies:
After testing her baby language theory on more than 1,000 infants around the world, Priscilla says there are five words that all babies 0–3 months old say—regardless of race and culture:
Neh="I'm hungry"
Owh="I'm sleepy"
Heh="I'm experiencing discomfort"
Eair="I have lower gas"
Eh="I need to burp" Those "words" are actually sound reflexes, Priscilla says. "Babies all around the world have the same reflexes, and they therefore make the same sounds," she says. If parents don't respond to those reflexes, Priscilla says the baby will eventually stop using them.Priscilla recommends that parents listen for those words in a baby's pre-cry before they start crying hysterically. She says there is no one sound that's harder to hear than others because it varies by individual. She also says some babies use some words more than others.The Dunstan Baby Language DVD is currently available. Visit www.dunstanbaby.com to order your copy.
Gracie
